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Fark News Headlines

[Spiffy] If money is truly no object, you can visit a water bar in NY and get a liter for $55 (w/ video)
WCBStv.com
[Amusing] Thesaurus wielding scientists to study "emissions"
Fox News
[Sad] King of Boston's Hobo population dies at the ripe old age of 56. Break out the Thunderbird
Boston Globe
[Obvious] Noted documentarian Ken Burns is ready to debut his documentary on WWII, which will last three years longer than the time the U.S. was actually involved in that war
Canoe
[Florida] Man released from jail after three days for desecrating American flag, after officials discover First Amendment
Tampa Bay Online
[Unlikely] Report finds fewer high school teens having sex, probably since all the hot teachers keep getting arrested
Houston Chronicle
[Florida] Man arrested for molesting horse (with mugshot goodness)
Herald Tribune (SW Florida)
[Asinine] Schools want to cover playgrounds because children must be protected from "the sun" and "outside"
(Some Guy)
[Sad] 52-year-old Japanese man told to 'get a job' found dead at home. Diary entry: "I just want to eat a rice ball"
(Daily Yomiuri)
[Obvious] Argument over $8 and chewing tobacco results in stabbing. Just another night in Kansas City
Kansas City
[Strange] What's up in New Mexico? Eh, not a whole lot... oh yeah, except the carpets of stinging caterpillars that are eating all the grass
Yahoo
[Photoshop] Photoshop this dog's nose
(Some Guy)
[Amusing] "We just want Google to change their commercial name... We will see what happens in court." Who said the Chinese don't have a sense of humour?
News.com.au
[PSA] Paraskevidekatriaphobics will be calling in sick today
(Some Guy)
[Followup] First, men talk more than women. Now women spend more on electronics. What next??
KEYEtv.com - CBS Austin
[Obvious] Employers say that Gen Y's are stupid, demanding, impatient, disloyal, socially inept tosspots. Get off my payroll
News.com.au
[Interesting] Top five signs you're about to get dumped
(Some Guy)
[Unlikely] Court orders Mormon church to disclose secret financial information, answers to life's questions
Salt Lake Tribune
[Amusing] Defendant to judge: "F*** you". Judge to defendant: "F*** you too"
(Cincinnati.com)
[Interesting] Lawmaker thinks there are too many lawyers so he tries to eliminate all the funding for the state law school. "We don't need more ambulance chasers. We don't need frivolous lawsuits"
(Some Guy)
[Dumbass] Teenager arrested for defacing statue of soccer legend Pele. GAOLLLL
News.com.au
[Dumbass] Father Of The Year candidate hits daily double at the mall by losing his son, then getting busted for shoplifting (with mugshot)
(WHDH)
[Asinine] "When the police would arrive, right away they would put out a wiener and a marshmallow and they would say it was for recreational purposes"
(The Pittsburgh Channel - WTAE)
[Interesting] Put down your Cheezies or take some time from your joe job as we rhyme off a few Canadianisms, eh? Your dog wants a butter tart
Canoe
[Strange] If, like most people, you've considered employing 30 thousand people to control the weather, China beat you to it
Asia Times
[Obvious] Cell phone culture has created a generation incapable of memorizing even simple . . . umm
Yahoo
[Dumbass] When announcing the name to your water park, be sure to register the domain name beforehand
(WBNS)
[Hero] You will
Telegraph
[Strange] Police baffled by two vehicles that were found covered in delicious, creamy butter
Charlotte Observer
[Stupid] UK Drug Girls: ?We were framed?. The rest of the world: ?You are pinheads?
(Metro.Co.UK)
[Dumbass] Suspect dismayed to discover that police dog doesn't stop biting him just because he's falling off a cliff
(Some Guy)
[Florida] Bacon charged with Grand Theft Cow
TampaBays10.com
[Cool] SoundExchange exec promises -- in front of Congress -- not to kill online radio on Monday
Wired
[Amusing] Is that a jellyfish on your hat or are you just happy to see me?
Fox News
[Cool] Tired of farkers saying that unemployed people should get a job, unemployed Canadian man makes his own damn job
Canoe
[Amusing] It may have taken three elections, but Duncan M. McDonald was finally taken off voter rolls in King County. Good thing too, since dogs don't always make sensible political decisions
Canoe
[Dumbass] Tony Snow says terrorists are coming to a shopping mall near you. Hasn't Hot Topic already caused enough suffering?
(Think Progress)
[Obvious] Trampoline injuries have soared in the last decade, but they'll come back down soon
Yahoo
[Followup] Florida Rep. Bob Allen (R-andy) says his men's room sex arrest is just a BIG misunderstanding and he's not resigning (with video)
Local6
[Spiffy] Samoa butterflies quickly evolve and avoid extinction. "This is one of the most clear and fastest cases of evolution under natural selection." Suck it, creationists
Yahoo
[NewsFlash] The U.S. House has voted to withdraw troops from Iraq within 120 days
AP
[Hero] Why on earth would law enforcement agencies need access to gun purchase records?
Yahoo
[Followup] Miss America pageant officials rule Miss New Jersey was not whorish enough and is allowed to keep her crown. Gracie Lee Hart unavailable for comment
WCBStv.com
[Interesting] The 500 most profitable companies in the world. Six of the top ten deal with oil and gas. Imagine that
CNN
[Followup] At least 17 attendees of the Taste of Chicago wish they'd passed on the offerings from Sam and Ella's Kebab and Hummus Shack
Yahoo
[Asinine] California legislature tries to ban smoking in cars. "What's the rule now, you can only smoke in your house under a blanket with the lights off?"
(Some Annoyed Californian)
[Interesting] Lawyers and judges in England to no longer dress up like women
Yahoo
[Photoshop] Photoshop this nature photographer
(Some Guy)
[Amusing] Beans, beans, the magical fruit. The more you eat, the more you see they will be used to make seat cushions in the 2008 Mustang
Jalopnik
[Strange] Porcupines have begun attacking Israeli atomic-weapons plants
Yahoo
     
 
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